I really went from feeling like my world was just grey, that I felt nothing, that I was not wanting to love or feel or do anything besides be at my parents place, ride my bike, stare at the ceiling, dodge questions from friends and acquaintances. I am masterful in shutting it all out, and then, it was you with your terrible ability to be subtle, who nixed my gradual shutting down, who made me feel safe enough to feel it all again, after meeting you everything dramatically changed in my heart, I felt it turn and life felt really visceral and exciting and this was just so soon and I’m so grateful for that. I’m so grateful for how much you enthusiastically loved me for what seemed for so long that I could never envision you’d no longer feel excited about me. It still feels good to me that I fell in love with you with out letting my brain get in the way of it; always hinting that this was a bad idea.

And I am writing this so that when I am stifling the pain as I walk through the dull hallways of my work, or when I wake and feel that initial existential panic of no longer having you that I remember that I will be okay, that I have to do things, before I feel okay. I’m scared of the hurt because even when I just write about this and think of it coming I can’t breathe.


(Source: fear-induced, via hipsterspinster)


wow, lovely

(Source: sumint, via 2-12-13)



There’s no use in crying over fallen snow.


Enjoy the view from my world…My Paisley World.

(via levanthe)